


Technically

by Anonymous



Category: Homestuck
Genre: AI, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, But a little different, Developing Relationship, Earth C (Homestuck), Gratuitous Memes, Handcuffs, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Karkat's not there but Dave talks about him a lot, Kissing, M/M, Multi, My Neighbor Totoro (I'm so sorry), Pesterlog(s) (Homestuck), Polyamory Negotiations, Relationship Negotiation, Sibling Incest, Toilet humor, Voyeurism, mention of vore, relationship dynamics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-15
Updated: 2019-05-13
Packaged: 2019-06-10 17:29:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15296484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: TG: does dirk like meTT: no he just tolerates you several times a week for hours on end. That's why you two schedule these days where you watch shitty anime and talk about how bad you are at art while simultaneously patting each others asses in what is the worlds smallest circle jerk in attempt to spur creativity.TG: oh my god you suck





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Icey](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Icey/gifts).



> So uh, due to the recent shitstorm that is fandom purity and callout culture right now, I've had to slap this fic into the Anonymous collection for my own safety.
> 
> I will always stand by that fiction doesn't not equal reality, fictional characters are not real people, and creating or consuming a 'problematic' topic does not mean you think it's ok In Real Life. This fic is tagged accordingly, and you control your own internet experience, so if you're here reading this... its because you want to be. After all, you clicked 'I confirm' to that AO3 warning regarding mature content, didn't you? 
> 
>  
> 
> anyways, sorry for all the red text. Striders be like that I guess lol

You always seem to be either hilariously wrong, or horrifyingly on the money when you've got a hunch about something. A lil feeling in your gut, just pokin away at your thoughts.  
Under all the posturing and joking, and ceaseless word vomit, you know yourself to be sincear more often than not. Well, you do now. After a couple years being stuck on a rock with some nerds who'd actually call you on your bullshit.

Thanks, Karkat. 

And you know the metaphorical apple doesn't fall far from the tree. If there was no tree and just a bunch of slime and test tube babies in a lab. According to John. But weird old saying aside, you know Dirk to be about 50% of the same DNA that makes up your unfortunate meat husk.

So he's probably just as weird. And probably just as stupidly obvious about his feelings as you are. That's what you're going with, anyway. Hoping for. Fuck.

It's been long enough for most shit to settle on EarthC, or whatever the fuck everyone's calling it. Long enough for you to fall into routines, and self evaluate until you're sick of yourself and have to go lay in Karkat's lap for a while.

Anyways. Not to sound like Hal, but. You're like, at least 75% sure Dirk might have a crush on you. And normally you'd be oblivious to that kind of shit, but your Paplord and Royal Advisor (haha boyfriend), was kind enough to point out Dirk's interest in visiting. And the way he was always so intent on listening to you. And how he genuinely seemed to give a shit about your ramblings. But thats just him being a good brother, right? A good friend? A good friend who pays extra close attention to the things you like.

And yeah, you'd been chalking that up to some good old fashion desperation for human contact- because isolation does that shit to a motherfucker. You know it, you lived it, and Dirk is one thirsty dude.  
You were apparently some Hollywood star in his universe, which is pretty neat, so you'd kind of assumed it was him being starstruck? You would have shit your pants in excitement if like, snoopdog had been hype to meet you. But this kind of feels different. His thoughtful pauses, his soft little chuckles when you say something funny. He also does the whole lingering touch thing you used to do with Karkat when you were first stumbling into a relationship type setting with him, too.  
It feels like that. Like you're setting up for something bigger.

If Dirk _does_ have a crush on you, you're 100% sure- like, totally positive, that the poor guy is freaking out and mad at himself over the whole genetic relation thing. The Big I, keepin it in the family.

He's totally wigging out that he's crushing on his brother.

Mostly, you're not that upset over it. It's not like you grew up together. He's technically your brother, but he wasn't there until like the last 8th of your life? So you're more inclined to side with Karkat on the whole 'the concept isn't applicable here' thing.

Karkat, the saint that he is, already assured you that you're not weird for flirting with Rose pretty much all of your young teenage years, even by 'weird human cultural norms' standards, because you didn't know she was biologically the equivalent of your sister.  
So no, finding Dirk at least attractive isn't wigging you out because of the 'technically kinda incest' factor.

You're just trying very hard not to think about the brother you _did_ grow up with, and how they're genetically the same person. Because theres issues there that arent really rooted in cultural norms. Or at least, not this kind of cultural norms, because the brother you grew up with didn't exactly play along (or nice!) with anything normal.

Trying to figure out if Dirk does or doesn't have a serious case of the dokis ends up on your mind often enough that it makes interacting with him on a weekly basis kind of difficult. You're too busy trying to analyze his sentences to actually _have_ conversations, and you can tell its making you a bit annoying. You keep having to ask him to repeat himself, and its bothering _you_ with how frequent it is!

Because you need to know. You can't stop thinking about if his joking about how your opinion is the most important to him is just him joking, or if he's doing that thing you do where you say your feelings and hope people think you're kidding.

It worked on Karkat for like 3 months before he called your bluff.

But you're terrified to call Dirk on it because what if it's just you who's the weirdo kind of maybe crushing on your ectosibling? Very fast way to ruin the bromance you've got going on.

Bromance is probably the worst word for you to use in this situation, too. Worst and maybe also the most applicable- funny how things work out like that sometimes. Regardless, you end up deciding to get off your metaphorical ass and do something about the whole Brother Crush issue sooner rather than later.  
Except sooner happens to be Dirk coming over to watch some ghibli movies with you as per your regularly scheduled Sibling Bonding time, or whatever the fuck Rose is calling it (Increasingly uncomfortable winks and nudges included). And you work yourself up to talking to him, talk yourself out of it, then get all the way back up to almost bringing the topic up as you fidget next to him on the couch when-

TT: dude are you okay, your heart rate is going a mile a minute and i should not be able to pick that up from all the way on dirks face.

Holy shit, Hal knows. The jig is up- if Hal knows then Dirk knows. Fuck Fuck Fuck-

TT: Was it the burritos? I told dirk they were a bad idea and had pretty bad odds on whether or not you two would literally end up shitting yourself. 

You can't help it, you laugh. Unfortunately, its at a totally inopportune time, because that's just what kind of a loser you are. Dirk looks at you and you catch sight of his single raised eyebrow.  
Oh fuck, the little girl on screen is totally crying. Your laugh needs an explanation, shit.

"Hal just made a poop joke, I promise I'm watching he just messaged me to talk about shit." 

TT: what are you hiding you guilty motherfucker. You're sweating buckets and you might be able to fool dirk with that but you cant fool me.

He's right, you're sweating through your tshirt and if it was you and Karkat, you'd have flung your shirt across the room already because ew, moist. But it's Dirk, and you're still more than mildly flipping out that you're fairly sure your brother has been lowkey flirting with you. And you've maybe been cautiously flirting back.  
But Hal is someone who might be able to help ease your nerves with this, because he knows Dirk better than anyone else ever could.

TG: alright ya caught me i'm nervous as shit right now. Sweatin like a hooker in church and the last time i spoke the lords name was a lot less glamorous than this sunday morning.  
TG: i've got a question you might be able to answer for me though, because if anyone's going to be able to give me an accurate heads up its you  
TT: i'm intrigued... ask away  
TG: does dirk like me  
TT: no he just tolerates you several times a week for hours on end. That's why you two schedule these days where you watch shitty anime and talk about how bad you are at art while simultaneously patting each others asses in what is the worlds smallest circle jerk in attempt to spur creativity.  
TG: oh my god you suck  
TG: i mean like likes me  
TG: highschool bullshit 101 hal. Do i make his kokoro go doki doki. Check yes or no except yes has all these hearts drawn around it and its gettin passed through class on a line paper note. Look out, teachers got it now the whole class gets to hear your cringe worthy shame get read out loud by a balding middle aged man who smells like moth balls and divorce.  
TT: why are you even asking me, he's right there  
TT: I'm not him, if you're trying to cheat this and just ask bargain bin dirk i'm not the one to ask. 

Oh no, you've gone and offended him. Shit. This is the downside to talking to Hal. He's fucking hilarious, but at the same time he's pretty much a saltmine and sasspot at all times just waiting to be given an opportunity to serve the tea.

TT: i'm not Dirk Strider, trapped in a pair of shades by a shitty game. I thought you of all people would understand that.  
TG: holy shit hal  
TG: that's not why i'm asking you  
TT: calling bullshit  
TG: ring ring   
TG: yo what's up oh wait   
TG: you literally spend every day with him you ass. You know when my heart rate speeds up from across the couch so you sure as fuck know when his does too  
TG: and i asked because i fucking trust you not to go message him about it immediately like roxy would, or vigorously mock me into oblivion like rose or john would  
TT: alright  
TT: I guess thats fair then. Sorry i jumped the gun.  
TG: its fine just give yourself and me a little credit dude. I genuinely consider you a friend and am coming to you for advice kinda  
TT: okay now i feel like an asshole  
TT: but alright i'll give you deets  
TG: thank you i've been kind of freaking out about this for weeks now so like  
TG: i wanna know if its just me imagining things or not  
TT: He turned down roxy AND jake just to come watch my neighbor totoro with you today because its one of his favourites and he thought you might like how whimsical it is  
TG: oh  
TT: yeah  


This definitely isn't one of _your_ favorite movies, but hey, Totoro is still pretty good, and its really sweet that Dirk wanted to share it with you. And here you are being an ass and talking to Hal instead of enjoying it with your brother. Because you're worrying yourself stupid over romantic feelings for the guy who is supposed to be your brother. Hopefully Hal isn't giving you false hope. That's not really like him, though.

TG: youre sure its not just to see if i wig out when the giant rabbit creature eventually vores the small child  
TG: because i've been waiting on that for at least twenty minutes now. He keeps opening his mouth so wide and shes right there its fucking uncomfortable  
TT: i hate that i totally get that vibe too, now that you've said it. You've sullied Totoro and i can never forgive you  
TG: top ten anime betrayals  
TG: not sorry  
TG: someone needed to suffer with me and i guess its you now  
TG: but for real? He turned down sweet hangouts for this?  
TT: he thinks about you a lot. Talks about you a lot. Your opinion means a lot to him, and not just in the brotherly admiration kind of way. I'd say he's pretty solidly crushing, but the real question is, are you?  
TT: because your hearts still going a mile a minute. Or is it just the fear of little Mei getting gobbled up by what is arguably the most well know creature in all the ghibli films.  
TG: shit

Holy fuck, you thought the gay panic over Karkat was bad. You actually like Dirk, don't you? You totally do, because you don't think you'd be chill with the whole 'he's your brother' thing if you weren't pretty solid on this, but _holy fucking shit_ , how are you this much of a disaster over a casual little crush?

TT: good 'shit' or bad 'shit'  
TT: deets, dude  
TG: peanutbutter  
TT: you're fucking disgusting and i deserve that for asking  
TT: but your heart rate actually got higher, so like, please don't flip out too hard. It's obviously mutual. You guys could probably make it work just fine, it's not like the trolls would even give a shit and thats a large part of the population anyways.  
TT: Dude for real are you okay  
TG: i do like him. a lot i guess, its just crazy that i'm considering bringing it up  
TG: like how do you just ask your actual fucking brother if he's got the dokis. How do i tell him  
TG: this makes the bullshit with karkat seem so simple and straight forward, fuck  
TT: The only thing simple about your hand holding boyfriend is that he's easy to piss off  
TG: its so easy to get him ranting, he's great

"So are you just not diggin this one?" Dirk asks, and your chest seizes up. Shit, fuck, goddamn it. He thinks you don't like the movie, you're kind of ignoring him in favor of talking to Hal on your shades.

\- - - turingTested has added timaeusTestified to the chat - - - 

TG: HAL WHY  
TT: top ten anime betrayals  
TT: i'm impatient and you two are idiots.

"We're sitting next to each other, Hal. You don't have to add me to your personal conversation." Dirk sounds annoyed, but mostly tense. 

TT: and yet neither of you are discussing the obvious elephant in the room with each other, only with me.  
TT: why not cut out the middle man. Or, at least let me stop suffering the frustration of watching you two dance around each other.

"You're the worst." You groan, hands covering your face. Of course Hal wont tattle, he'll just entertain himself by making you and dirk talk about it when he wants you to talk about it. Which is now, while both of you are supremely uncomfy. Or maybe that's just you? You're still sweaty.

TT: You'll thank me later, i'm sure of it  
TT: but for now, less bitching more feelings. I want to see you two work this out.

"You really want front row seats, don't you?" Dirk inquires, and you kind of agree with what he's implying. Hal either wants to watch your world burn, or is getting something out of feeling like he's playing match maker.

TT: Well is not like i get the chance to get my mack on personally  
TT: Might as well try and get as close as i can to the action. Live vicariously through you.

Well obviously, Dirk's pretty aware his feelings don't seem to be one sided, judging the the way he's smirking at you. You'd caught Bro smirking only a handful of times in your life, and it was never a good thing. With Dirk, its a little more comfortable, playful. You actually like it, fuck, you're totally obvious too! You're just as bad as he is about this shit!

"So you're jealous?" Dirk teases him, but the retort doesn't come as quick as it should and oh no. Oh no, Hal totally is.  
"Or envious?" You ask, curious. Dirk hums a sound, crossing his arms in thought.

TT: Fuck you guys, i'm just having some fun ribbing the two of you

"Uh-huh." Dirks outright grinning now and its so odd to see that kind of expression on his face but fuck, it's nice. Your heart hasn't stopped thumping in your chest but you feel yourself matching his smile. Because neither of you had to say anything really- Hal managed to somehow smash through that barrier by just being a shit lord. And just like he probably wanted all along, Hal's kind of left himself right in the middle if it all.

TT: seriously though, you two need to get over yourselves and make out because its so pointless to avoid it when both of you are clearly on the same page

"You just want to see us make out." You laugh, tapping at your shades.  
"He totally wants to see us make out. He wants the satisfaction of having us do what he says." 

TT: Maybe i do!! But i want you two to be okay with it!

"I'm more than okay with it, so long as Dave's okay with it." You don't buy it totally. Dirk is very much a fake it til you make it kind of dude, and you know if he was totally okay with this he'd have made a move already. But he's probably mostly okay with it, similar to how you're mostly okay but apparently more concerned with Dirk's feelings on it than your own.  
"I mean," You start and watch his face fall, and yep, thats totally what it is. He's afraid to be the weird one. You've gotta reassure him now, because no, you're not letting him get down on himself like that."I would be fine with it, but it's going to need some talking about. If not now, after."

This feels like a dare, honestly, but you're too hype about it to get fussy.  
"Hal, is that what you want?" You lean closer to Dirk, and see how he doesn't move away. Check that he's not wigging out with you being in his space. His face is a little pink in the cheeks, but he doesn't back down. In fact, he comes a little closer.

TT: hhhh yeah

Holy shit. Are you guys actually doing this? Are you making this happen? You're seriously going to maybe kiss a guy who is technically your brother?  
Only technically. Biologically. Fuck that conversation is going to be so awkward but that's a problem for future you. 

TT: It's just kind of hot okay. And there are layers of fucked up to that, but hey, i'm no better than you two i guess.

Yeah, fuck it. Hal's gunna get off on it and somehow that makes this both a better and worse idea.

You nod, and Dirk nods, and the keysmash on your shades screen the split second before the two of you lock lips almost ruins everything because you fucking laugh- he doesn't even have fingers, how is he keysmashing? Dirk catches you though, and suddenly kissing him is more important than laughing at Hal getting what he wanted. Well, maybe only a little, because having him get the two of you moving on this was kind of important.  
It's not a very long kiss, all things considered. Dirk starts getting flustered, and when you try and lead it seems to spook him. But he puts a warm palm on your upper arm as he pulls back and yeah, that wasn't so bad.

TT: holy fuck  
TT: you actually did it

Dirk presses a quick peck to your cheek and huffs out a nervous laugh. It's a good start. Not too much, but at least a step in the right direction.

TT: do it again

"Give an inch and he takes a mile." Dirk shakes his head and you snicker. It's true. He totally does.  
"He's already mad with power."

TT: And you two are the fools who actually listened 

Fools, maybe. Brothers, technically. But hey, EarthC hasn't imploded on itself yet, so it can't be all that bad of an idea to give this mess a shot.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long to get out. It was kind of a combo of strider porn very much not being something i'm used to, life hell, and fandom as it is now making me afraid to even finish it. Please enjoy it anyways, because i love these characters MORE now that i've written fic of them. 
> 
> Also, there's some nods at the epilogue in here because why not.

TG: youre a part of this dude 

TG: youve been there right from the start. you were the one encouraging me to just make out with him already 

TT: seems fake but ok 

TT: don't act like you can't see the logs, we know you can pull them up faster than either of us 

TT: allow me some plausible deniability here 

TT i kind of thought you two were just humoring me with the whole haha then what hal, tell us what to do ;) ;) ;) 

TT: never do a winky face again 

TT: feels fake, inorganic 

TT: haha oh wait, so am I, which is why I physically can't be part of this relationship. 0% of me can do any touching 

TT: not with feeling, anyway. 

 

Dirk doodles on your hip in the way that you know by this point is a nervous fidget. It's kind of endearing, that even if the three of you are currently communicating by thought-to-text shades while laying in bed, he's actually showing you his nervousness rather than fully hiding it for once. 

Babysteps, you guess. He's still not quite as vocal as you are about thoughts and feelings, though he's getting there. But it's nice that he's making an effort. 

 

TT: i'm working on that still, sorry 

TT: i'm not guilting you about that. i know robotics has its limitations in EarthC still and you're doing your best to get things back up to speed 

TT: oh ew that sounds like actual support from you 

TT: gross hal 

TT: i take back any emotional shits i gave about being nice, fuck you work faster to supply me with a rad robot body you useless meatslave 

TT: thats better 

TG: physical shit isn't all that goes into a relationship though Hal 

TG: like I love me a good snuggle but emotional relationships are super important and valid 

TG: obviously you can have purely physical relationships to but shit isn't as simple as the old earth movies made it out to be, nor is it uncommon for people to straight up have different situations that limit their relations. 

TT: karkat is doing wonders for you isn't he 

TT: it's astounding how much he just parrots right up huh 

You roll your eyes and are shocked when it doesn't generate an emoji. You suppose you actually have to be _thinking_ the emoji, not just the emotion it conveys. 

On command, one appears in chat and you cover your face with your palm. It gets a chuckle out of Dirk next to you, his cheek pillowed on your shoulder. 

TG: No jokes though 

TG: I used to think so fuckin black and white about this shit and so did he but you can totally have an online relationship right? It makes you feel things, good things, and is fulfilling. That's emotional right? and Hal right now you literally talk to us every day 

TG: you're involved just in an emotional sense 

TT: and that's only a temporary limitation 

TT: are you guys seriously going to try to teach a robot to love 

TT: is that's what's happening here. There are several films throughout history that show how bad of an idea that is. 

TT: No matter how long ago we splintered off you still are a heart player Hal 

TT: incorrect I did not play anything it was you assholes who played I just got shoved in a sprite with a sweaty horse man 

TT: 0/10 would not recommend btw 

TT: oh come on, you were so enthused to even have a sprite body you tried to get everyone to feel you up 

TT: please do not remind me 

TG: point is you're capable of feeling emotions and thus capable of being involved with us emotionally 

TG: which you kind of have been since The Totoro Incident 

TT: I hate that you call it that 

TT: hello naughty children it's vore time 

TT: you are my least favorite soul splinter 

TT: I can name at least name two more who piss you off twice as much as I do 

TG: the ghost has to be number 1 on his shitlist if only because he's probably dreamfucked Jake like A million times by now 

You earn yourself a soft smack on the very hip Dirk was fussing at earlier, and you snort out a laugh instead of feigning like it actually hurt you. 

TT: Anyways! 

TG: haha called it 

TT: I'm glad you guys want to involve me I really am, I'm just not sure how that would work for me or for you 

TT: Well just talking is a start 

TG: you manage to lead both of us to kissing each other just fine 

TT: that too 

To demonstrate, as if he needs any more proof, Dirk shifts on your bed so that he can kiss at your jawline. Teasing and sweet, he goes from your jaw to your cheek, and you turn to slot your lips together ever so briefly. 

It's a far cry from the sheepish kisses you traded on the couch a few weeks back. Was it a month? Two months? For someone who's a time player, you're kind of happy to be starting to lose track of time. It all blends in together when a bunch of you are unchanging gods. 

TT: 'now kiss' doesn't count as being in a relationship, dumbass 

TG: well it depends 

TT: i'd consider it so if it was a regular thing. You might not be the one doing the kissing but we all know you get enjoyment out of having us do what you say 

TG: dirk would know 

TT: I would, seeing as at one point you were me. Like 5 years ago or some shit at this point 

TT: you were the beta version 

TT: beta as in better maybe 

TG: Point stands. You two probably have similar kinks- got it. 

TT: i'm literally a program. 

TT: the kind of kinks I have are the kind Web developers hum and haw over, not the kind in Fetish literature 

TT: voyeurism. 

Fuck, he totally does. Dirk is the best one to call him out on it too, because it's totally a Dirk Type Thing to get off on. 

TG: yeah Hal you totally get off on watching us 

TT: as much as I can I suppose 

TG: you keysmashed without a keyboard 

TT: shut the hell your mouth 

TT: you like having control. Bossing us around 

TT: pot, kettle, black. 

TT: that's why i'm saying it. Because who better to call you out on it? 

You're glad Dirk can at least see your thoughts on that too. He's kind of a knowing control freak. He's been trying to let up, he told you. He used to be worse, but new world, new chances to not let the shitty part of himself that wants to control everything consume his whole person. 

TT: ok it's maybe kind of hot when I tell you two to kiss and you do 

TT: I also have it on good authority you enjoy a bit of roleplay with Roxy once and a while, and it doesn't always remain sfw 

TT: yeah I figure when you made me was right around the time you were figuring out the whole 'strictly dickly' thing, but weren't all the way there so I didn't end up following the same sexuality route 

TT: I'm not fussy. Ladies, dudes, everyone both and neither. Trolls even. 

TG: omg who, I need to know 

TG: absolutely for boyfriend gossip reasons 

You almost sit up, you're so giddy for these juicey deets. Karkat would LOVE to know which of his friends sexted with Hal, holy fuck. That's the kind of dirt you absolutely need on whatever troll was kinky enough to flirt with your AI uh... Oh god is he kind of your brother too? Fuck that's so messed up, why are you three like this? 

TT: I don't think there isn't a single sentient being on this planet that doesn't get a kick out of pissing off vriska 

TT: but Sollux has zero shame and a filthy mouth 

TG: haha yess karkats going to shit his pants in excitement 

TT: makes sense, you both live on the internet 

TT: which he got up and running again, and i'm eternally thankful for. I can only do so much without a physical form when it comes to setting up servers. 

TT: regardless, I wouldn't classify smutty rp between nerds a relationship so much as late night entertainment 

TG: ok but you're still dancing around our question 

TG: do you WANT in on the physical parts as things are now 

TT: you two have been having plenty of fun on your own, I don't need to intrude on your sloppy hand jobs 

Haha yeah they totally are sloppy. You'll plead guilty to being desperate hormonal boys who have no idea what they're doing- or maybe dirk does, but he seems to be having such a good time with it the two of you haven't lasted long enough to get further than handjobs on the couch or your bed. Like, two blowjobs so far, one being the scariest three minutes of your life because Karkat was in the shower just a room over! 

You may be super close with him since he's your moirail, but you really doubt he's chill with watching you get your dick sucked. Boundaries are important. 

TT: not the question Hal 

TT: Fuck you two are insistent 

TT: fine, yes. I want to be involved but I don't feel like it's going to be what you want because I can't physically be there with you. 

TT: i'm just glasses 

True, he is only in glasses and the internet right now. But you're not a quitter when it comes to some hanky panky, and you really don't think Dirk is either. 

One quick look to Dirk in the darkness, and he nods at you. Yeah, he's gotta be on the same page as you for this. You can make it work. 

TG: so we both keep our shades on while you tell us what to do 

TT: since you like having us do what you tell us to, you can direct us how you want, get your peepshow on, and be involved all at once 

TT: do you want to know the chances this will end in disappointing fumbling and someone sleeping on the couch? 

TT: it's very high 

TG: so what? We fuck it up this time, we do it again 

TG: relationships are full of fumbling and bumps as you get used to each other. You're going to fuck up a few times, but it's no big as long as you learn from it, right? 

TT: again, I owe Karkat some gratitude for you learning so much from him 

TT: he's a blessing upon us all, in his own loud, obnoxious way 

TG: It's not all him but he's a great listener. I CAN think for myself you know 

TG: anyways 

TG: you agree with me 

TT: I guess 

TG: because I think we should try it. 

TG: I think we'll do just fine so long as we listen to what each other wants, and Hal, you stop denying yourself a little fun 

TT: we're willing to listen to you, if you're ok telling us what you want us to do 

TT: fuck 

TT: you strike a hard bargain. But I DO want to see you guys go at it again. I always do. 

TG: how much do you see, anyways? Just what the shades show you? 

TT: every electronic in the room has a sensor of some kind. Phones are really good because they have microphones and cameras. 

You don't even hesitate. You snatch your phone off the desk and begin making a little stand for it so that the camera has a clear view of the bed. Dirk sits up and does the same for his phone and the night table that is on that side of the bed. 

You're doing this, you're making it happen. 

Your kind of AI brother is going to get multiple angles of whatever the hell goes down and you are only a little turned on by the thought that he can see so much of you at all times. That he'll watch you fumble, hear every sound. 

Fuck, ok, it's really kind of hot. You're definitely already a little hard over just the idea of it. 

TT: holy fuck guys really 

TT: yes really 

TG: we told you we wanted you in on this. we meant it dude 

TT: we weren't even fucking with you a little bit, you are absolutely welcome to get in on this disaster. I mean, we're already ok with messing around with each other, what's one more strider added to the mix? 

TT: you guys both were terrified the other wasn't going to be into it and felt really guilty for at least 2 weeks. I wouldn't exactly call that ok with it. 

"Well we're okay with it now." You just voice it outloud,because you can, and he'll be able to hear you. Except Hal AND Dirk can likely hear the little drop in octave to your voice and oh god, you're suddenly self conscious. Just sitting next to Dirk in your messy double bed. In your fairly messy room- Karkat's been over at Kanaya's for the past two nights, but will be back in the morning. He'd thankfully sworn up and down not to mention anything to Rose, and you trust your moirail with your life... 

But Dirk is sitting there, eyebrow quirked up behind his shades, the two of you just in boxers and pajama pants. 

TT: Dave, are you sure? 

"I'm sure, just, waitin' for your instruction dude." You do a quick look down in the darkness- your room has a several nightlights, so your shades aren't as dibilitating as they ought to be. Yup, boners still there. Good to go. 

Hal's text is bold against the world around you. 

TT: fuck... fuck okay yeah, just make out already 

Dirk chuckles in that smart ass way of his that's sexy in its own right, and then he's clambering into your lap. While you're built to take damage, clearly all defense, Dirk is built like a bird. Wirey and fast and mostly elbows and knees. Dirk is streamline where you're solid- not the pillowy soft solid that Karkat is (the best to cuddle, honestly), just literally built to battle. 

You kind of hate that part, but it has its uses. Like being able to scoop Dirk closer, both your hands on his absolute plush rump. Your brother is the dictionary definition of twink- are there even dictionaries on Earth C yet? Someone ought to get to work on that before you guys do the time hop everyone's been talking about. Can't have a whole civilization of people going about their lives without Twink being in their vocabulary, that'd just be a crime. 

TT: Dave, focus. 

Dirk laughs while you sit there shocked. 

"What, you readin' minds now?" You accuse, turning to playfully glare right at Dirk's phone on the night table. 

TT: I don't need to read your mind in order to tell you're distracted. 

TT: I said kiss. 

You make a show of rolling your eyes- it's a full body motion, nearly. Just to compensate for how much of your face your shades cover. But you do kiss Dirk, who is pretty fucking eager to kiss you right back. He gets his hands in your hair, combing the back of it as he maps your mouth with his tongue. All things considered, he's the most handsy kisser you've ever kissed- though your data set is rather small. Karkat, who is all soft and shy to contrast his shouting and gruff exterior. Jade, who's sloppy and eager but in quick bursts. And Terezi, who dominates so playfully and completely you kind of end up just laying there hoping you survive. 

Dirk is controlling in the way he kisses you, but not to the point where you have none. He's just steering, that's all. He knows what he wants and he goes for it, you guess. It's kind of hot, all things considered. That he takes what he wants, doesn't wait for you to work up the nerve to ask if he's ok with something, he just goes for it, but in a way that if you weren't comfortable you could bail and he'd be happy for it all the same. 

You pull him closer, right up against your chest so that you can feel him the same way he can no doubt feel you. Dirk moans into your mouth, grinding up against you and you know he sees Hal's red text the same as you do. 

TT: Holy fuck, do that again. 

You comply right away, using your hold on Dirk's hips to grind him against your dick, still under your pj pants. He has to pull his mouth from yours this time to pant out another sound. 

He's loud, in comparison to you. Likely because he didn't grow up with someone sleeping on a futon one room over, or there being half a dozen trolls and The Mayor just down the hall while you were on the meteor. You lived totally different, seperate lives and it shows right down to how noisy he is in bed. Fucking incredible. 

TT: Pants off. If you want. 

"No, if _you_ want." Dirk insists, smirking against where he keeps kissing on your neck as you reach down to palm at him through his shorts. 

TT: trying to be respectful here 

TT: gotta give you the opportunity to tell me to go fuck myself should you decide you'd rather not obey my every command. 

"We'll just tell you, dude. It's fine." You try and reassure him but you figure it might take more than that. Hal seems nervous enough that he needs constant reassurance. That's ok by you, but it means that Dirk also likely needs reassurance to some extent. 

"How about some safe words?" You offer, nibbling on your brother's ear softly. He gets stupid when you do that, but it's pretty cute so you're not about to quit. 

TT: we're not doing anything super kinky though 

TT: I mean aside from the incest and voyeurism. 

"Maybe a little sub/dom play, seeing as we're being told what to do." Dirk shrugs a little, but shivers right after. You give him a break so you can speak. 

"Doesn't have to be super kinky to make use of a safe word. You can have a safe word vanilla missionary in the dark, dudes." You're kind of shocked at how these two think- but you suppose they grew up mostly without other people. And without Rose and Karkat, and a truckload of idiots getting in their face and sharing TMIs constantly for the past, fuck, what, five years? Six? You don't know and you don't care. You spent three of it on a meteor and that was more than enough for you. 

"It's just a way to make sure you don't have t'be screamin' NO for us to key in you're not havin a good time. Or we can do red light green light shit. Yellow means slow down and check in." 

They're quiet a moment, considering it. 

TT: never thought i'd be trying to come up with a safe word. 

TT: how does one decide something like that even? 

"No memes. Do not have a meme as your safeword you piece of shit." Dirk accuses immediately, and you laugh. Because yeah, you wouldn't put it past him to make a meme his safeword. 

TT: fuck you, just for that i'm going to pick one 

TT: this is my safeword now 

TT:[i_would_prefer_not_to.jpg](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/001/143/752/368.png)

You fucking laugh, and Dirk is trying so hard not to too, but his mouth is pressed in a tight line, the corners curling up. He looks like a constipated turtle and you just laugh harder. Weren't you supposed to be taking pants off? Oops. 

TT: do I get a greenlight word or do I just say green 

"It's just green." You start inching Dirk's boxers lower on his hips while he's still in your lap. Might as well get a start, even if you're still laughing at Hal's antics. 

TT: no fuck you, [grandma_going_rly_fast.gif](https://66.media.tumblr.com/9117e9b9b1128300f17338d02458ba1c/tumblr_inline_prf5b8TU7F1qdwz19_1280.gif) was going to be the exact right mount of hilarious to make you bust a nut. 

"Stop showing me pictures of old people while we try to fuck!" Dirk tries to sound exasperated, but he's obviously just as entertained as you are. 

"For simplicity's sake, let's just stick with red, yellow and green, ok?" You slide your hand down the front of Dirk's boxers to remind him what you were doing before talking about safewords at all. "So how's this?" 

You've done this half a dozen times before. Touching Dirk's dick still gets you giddy, because he pushes into your hand every time, breathes a little heavier. Usually tries to rut up against your palm. 

"Green." He breathes out easily, pressing another kiss to your neck. "But your pants are still on." 

TT: yeah Dave, those need to go.

"Alright, alright," You act like they're pestering you, but everyone knows they're not. You want your pj pants off but it means pulling away from Dirk. Even if it's only for a moment, you don't want the touching and kissing to stop. "One sec." 

You flail around until you manage to successfully kick your pants off, one leg at a time. For good measure, you throw them at Dirk, who deflects them onto the floor and pretty much pounces on you once again. 

Being without any sort of clothes is a step up for you. You've always just tugged your pj pants down, or had boxers on under them. Unzipped your jeans fly, _something_. But you'd not figured you'd needed them, so now you're just naked in bed with a lap full of Dirk. 

You'd be self conscious about your obvious boner if Dirk wasn't so eagerly pressing himself up against it. 

"Oh so I have to have my pants off but you keep your boxers? I see how it is." You tease, and he peels himself away to remove his shorts, challenging with an eyebrow quirked up over his shades. You two are so competitive with each other, mostly unintentionally but here it's so blatant. 

You help his get his legs out of his boxers and huck them to the floor before turning on him, climbing onto him this time to playfully pin him to the bed and kissing up his neck. Your hand goes right back between his legs, this time with no boxers in the way of your palm on his cock. 

"Wonder if you're as good with your dick as you are with your hands," Dirk breathes in your ear and holy shit, _holy shit_ what if you _did_ fuck him, rather than just give him a handy or a blowjob under the covers. Ohhhhh shit, you were halfhard before but boy you're diamonds pretty quick after that kind of suggestion. 

TT: fuck yes 

TT: Now we're gettin somewhere 

TT: You two should totally bang 

TT: yknow, if you want to 

There's you're encouragement, chiming in just at the perfect time. Yeah, you totally want to. You'd love to fuck Dirk til his eyes cross and he's too tired to get out of bed, never mind tease and sass you til the sun comes up. But, that's kind of hard when you're reasonably ill prepared for some Real Actual Fucking. 

"I think we're missing a few key components here." 

TT: Dirk has lube in his syladex 

The noise you make is half a laugh, half a startled wheeze. 

"Sure do buddy." Your brother sounds a little miffed at his privacy being invaded like that, so you figure you ought to ask if he's still DTF. 

"What's your status?" 

"Green as fuck. Good to go." Zero hesitation. 

So... so he really _does_ want you to fuck him? You can. You absolutely can if he's got lube, but, still likely wouldn't be sanitary and you're not sure you want to go sticking your dick in an unclean hole but- no, wait. 

"Are you, uh, cleaned out or am I.. yknow." You're gunna die of embarrassment from having to ask this fucking question. 

TT: his showers take a million years, the fuck do you think he's doing in there dave 

Dirk smirks up at you from where he lays on the bed. Smug motherfucker. 

"Told you, I'm good to go." 

Oh. Alright, you can roll with this then. You've seen your fair share of gay porn, even if it was mostly ages ago and while the earth was still where it was supposed to be. 

"Ok so, I'm still green, but straight up this will be my first time trying so please don't be mad if i'm awful at it." 

Dirk shrugs, still smug as hell. He seems pretty pleased with himself that he's actually rather prepared to get fucked. Alright, well, that's reassuring that he was at least hopeful enough to be ready. Does that mean _every_ time he's had one of his super long showers here or right before coming over, he's been thoroughly cleaning up? Fuck, how long have you made him wait for some good dick? 

"It's kind of hard to be bad at anal so long as you start slow." He offers, and it does kind of put you at ease. You like things that it's hard to be bad at. "Don't just stuff it in there, and you're pretty golden." 

How the hell is he still _smug_ while discussing how you should put your dick in his ass? He obviously has more experience at this than you do, so that has to be part of it. You're nodding at him like you understand, and you suppose you do, but fuck you're worried about messing up. 

Worried, _and_ excited. You're about to keep stroking his dick when Hal's text lights up your glasses again. 

TT: he has cuffs in his syladex too 

"Hal!!!" Dirk is the one who squeaks this time, and holy fuck, you laugh. Dirk is so scandalized by being tattled on, yet he has no other reason to have those in there but wishful thinking, right? So much for that smugness! 

TT: oh whoops, there they go 

Dirk's Syladex spits out a pair of black leather strap cuffs, linked together by a small chain. Honestly breakable, since the two of you are literally gods, but holy shit! Hal is fucking merciless with outing him! 

The lube follows in a moment later, though that seems to be by Dirk's doing judging by the lack of protest. 

"Still green?" You ask, just in case. You hold the simple cuffs in your hands, looking them over before looking back up to Dirk, trying to see if he still seems as confident about this. 

"Dude, yes." He cups your cheeks, making you look at him, thumbs stroking along your jaw. "Stop worrying so much, I'm into this. Hal's just being a little shit." 

TT: always am, always will be 

Dirk straps his first wrist into a cuff, then holds the second wrist out to you so that you can buckle him in. You do so gently, curiously, because man you've never even held an actual pair that wasn't some joke thing in the back of a Spencer's Gifts. 

"Locked and loaded." He mumbles, bound wrists now tucked to his chest. Fuck, it's just a pair of cuffs, why is that so hot? They're not even real restraints for the two of you, they're all for show, but it's the hottest thing you've seen in your life and your planet is a giant melty pool of lava. 

TT: Looks good, doesn't he? 

"Fuck yeah, he does," You sound a little breathless, and you watch as Dirk's dick twitches a little in response to that. 

TT: then get to it dude, his asshole ain't guna lube itself 

You laugh, and even Dirk snickers that time, and yeah, ok, you two definitely enjoy him telling you what to do, even if he's a meme loving fuck most of the time. 

You're still grinning at him, even if you're not laughing outright when you pop the cap on the bottle of lube and coat a finger in it. You're not exactly a fan of the texture, but really, it's going to get the job done and that's what's important. 

Dirk is watching you like a hawk and you catch him biting his lip in anticipation. 

Actually, you're kind of starting to wonder if he had this whole thing planned. He's always been into quietly pulling the strings behind the scene, so it'd make sense. Keeping the cuffs and lube on him, knowing Hal is a nosy motherfucker with minimal care for Dirk's own boundaries, knowing you'd be keener to top if encouraged- okay yeah. 

You're a thinker, like him, but he's a little more of a schemer and this feels like you're following _his_ instructions as much as Hal's. And it's kind of fun. 

Just in case you're wrong though you check with him, one last time, in the form of a quirked eyebrow. He nods at you, insistent. 

TT: look at you two, consenting and shit. 

TT: This might just work at this rate 

"And fuck you for ever doubting us." Your brother turns to look at his phone pointedly. 

TT: Build me a nice body and you might just get what you're asking for 

TT: ;) 

You ease a finger into Dirk's ass and instead of complaining about Hal using the goddamn winky face again, he moans out the softest, sweetest sound. 

TT: oh fuck that's hot. 

"Fuck yes," He spreads he legs a little more, eyes closed as he lays on the bed under you. God, he's gorgeous. 

When you move it back out, then back in, his hips shift, side to side a little bit, then he tries to angle his himself a little better. You move your hand for him, curving your wrist and sinking in again, then again. 

"There you go," He cracks an eye open at you, smirking just a little as you're sitting there dumbfounded. "Gimme another." 

Fuck. Fuck, Hal's right, that's so fucking hot. 

You give him exactly what he asked for. Your second finger slides into him, slow and smooth, as deep as you can get it. Dirk's lazy, pleased sounds go right to your dick as you crook your fingers a little, working them only half in and out this time. 

He doesn't have to tell you when to give him a third. The moment you notice it's pretty easy to move your fingers in him, no real tightness to the way his body holds you, you ease another finger into him and watch as his eyelids flutter, he stills for a moment, then presses himself towards you, just a little, to nudge them a little deeper, get you started on moving them again. 

"Dave, come on," He starts to ask, and you crook your fingers just to hear his breath hitch. You could get used to this. To him reacting to you like this. 

"I'm good, no more fingers," He tugs at the cuffs, unconsciously you think, until he realizes they're there again. "Want you instead." 

"You've got me," You tease, fingers still moving slow but insistently. 

"Dave I swear to god," Dirk's words are urgent, like you've already got him pretty close with just your hand. 

"I _am_ a god, technically," God no wonder he enjoys being smug so damn much- 

"Dave, please," He pants, head tipping back into the pillows, "I wanna come from more than just this, too short, please." 

Yeaaahh you can understand that, you suppose. He's the experienced one, after all. If he wanted a quickie you'd have stuck with jacking each other off. 

TT: love it when he begs 

You're still smirking as you ease your fingers out of him and reach for the lube again. Though, watching him lay there all shivering and needy is fairly distracting. 

The lube isn't as cold as you're expecting, but it's kind of an odd sensation in comparison to any lotion you've used to jack off in the past. It does make your hand move along your cock way quicker than expected, though. Which is the point, right? Why the fuck didn't you try and alchemize some lube for yourself on the meteor exactly? You just spent like three years, frustrated and jacking off into a sock- real lube would have made that time pass at least a little smoother... 

When you press the head of yourself to him, Dirk tries to meet your gaze. He bites his lower lip oh so gently, and cants his hips towards you, nudging your dick more insistently at his ass. Yeah yeah, he knows what he wants. He knows you know too, he's not shy about the physical stuff, more so the emotional stuff. 

Dirk takes you a lot easier than you expected (that's what the fingers were for, stupid!), and even though it's slow going, a soft in and out at first, your cock sinks into him inch after inch. Until your hips are pressed against him and you're kind of just waiting for him to say something. 

TT: See? Not hard 

"Well, he is." Dirk snickers, and fuck, you laugh. That kind of breaks the tension a little. You were worried you'd hurt him just going in but he's right, it's not difficult. 

You hold yourself up with one hand, tease his dick with the other as you roll your hips. Yeah, ok, you can totally do this. Picking up a bit of a rhythm, you adjust yourself. The way the bed squeeks as you move your hips is ignorable, and instead you focus on Dirk's breathing, the way he catches his lip with his teeth, watching you from where he lays on the bed, almost kneading his hands while his wrists are snuggly cuffed. 

Everything on his face says he likes this, but you're still worried, even as he shifts his hips to meet you. He actually moves his whole body with you, almost. Pushing your cock deeper if he can, back arching a little off the mattress. God he looks so good- he's told you that you looked best when you were putting your all into a task, like when he helped you and Karkat rearrange the living room last week and you got so hot you took your shirt off. You'd caught him staining at you across the room. 

Dirk looks best when he's getting what he wants, and right now you're doing that, slow and steady. Thorough, you think, as you dip down to catch his mouth for a kiss, hand moving from his dick to his hip, thumb smoothing back and forth. 

He breaks it pretty quickly to lift his hands from his chest and put them on the pillow by his head. Dirk arches his back again, meeting your short shallow thrusts and so obviously showing himself off. Like he knows you like what you see. 

TT: you're being too gentle with him 

"Fuck, are you serious?" 

Dirk makes a soft, pleased noise as you put a little more oomph into your next thrust. Huh, yeah, guess he was serious. How 'bout that. 

TT: he's not going to break, Dave. You're both literally gods, you just said that, remember? 

TT: fuck him like you mean it 

"Still green, Dirk?" 

"Green." 

You're pretty sure Dirk isn't reading Hal's messages right now- his eyes look closed, mouth open. Hell, he's even got his right hand in how own hair, the left one twisting in your pillowcase since it's locked right there next to other.   
Yeah. Yeah, okay, you can be a little less gentle, you suppose. 

You reach down and grab one of Dirk's legs just under his knee, hook your hand there, and push it up, back towards his chest as you push into him again. The reaction is almost instant. 

Dirk's head tips back, mouth open- your next thrust gets a little moan as a reward. 

TT: oh fuck yes 

TT: do that again 

You pick up the pace a little, fucking into him as you hold his leg out of the way, and there's no way you can keep this kind of steady pleasure going long. One of you is going to get a leg cramp- probably you before him. But fuck, it feels so good, and watching Dirk's face express emotion so freely, watching him bite his lip before he starts talking again- 

"Fuck yes, right there, you've got it-" He loves to hear himself talk, it's just a Strider thing you think-   
"God, Dave, you're doing so well-" Oh shit, hit you up with some of that sweet sweet validation. _Validate me harder da_ \- no wait you're not going down that thought path right now, shit, fuck. Nope.

"Just like that," the next moan is actually yours and it startles you. You don't _do_ that, what if someone heard? What if- 

Dirk's eyes crack open, amber orange that you can see even in your dimly lit bedroom. He's breathing hard and heavy, which is a pretty accurate description of how you're fucking him, honestly. You've got him pressed back into your mattress as you plow him, supporting yourself with one arm and holding his leg with the other. 

TT: he's close, watch him 

"Fuck off, Hal, let me have this," Dirk doesn't even have any venom to his voice, shaky and distracted. That's your fault- it's you that's got him so worked up, so far along, and god you're not sure what feels better; knowing you're pleasing him so well, or how hot and incredible it feels to have him like this. 

TT: he does this thing 

TT: just watch for it 

It's hard to focus on anything other than the feeling of Dirk right around you as you piston into him, but you catch it. The higher octave to his panting, the way he's trying to hold anything- the sheets, his hair, then _you_ as he loops his arms around your neck, shades knocked a little off his nose. 

He's desperate for it, he's almost there and you're the only person who can give him what he wants right now. He planned it that way, now you just have to follow through. You could stop, if you wanted. Deny him. You're sure you could, if you wanted to. The power of it all in the moment feels rightfully exaggerated- that part isn't lost on you either. 

But you don't want to deny him this, you _want_ to give him that last little bit he needs. Doing that suddenly feels like everything- all consuming. Like there truely isn't some other option, like edging him til he cries or some shit. Wait- is that what Hal meant? This _need_ to do what Dirk wants you to? What ever his heart desires? 

Honestly, you're pretty okay with that. You know it's there, and you're choosing to give him what he wants. 

You bend him just that little bit more, hips quick as you mash you mouths together in what's probably the sloppiest kiss you've ever attempted. He doesn't seem to mind how you kind of miss at first, if the response he gives is anything to go by. 

TT: fuck yes 

Dirk seizes up, moaning into your mouth as he clutches at the hair at your neck, rakes his fingernails between your shoulder blades, and you're done right before he is. Your hips stutter, and when you cum he's got his other leg around your hip, holding your dick in him by not letting you pull out. You suck in air, both your glasses clicking together, digging into your noses as you try to breathe, your forehead pressed to his. 

There's a long keysmash of red on your glasses screen. Hal. 

You wouldn't exactly call any of this romantic, but it _is_ hot. You definitely feel a little crazy, but mostly good. Exhausted, sweaty... your middle is a lil wet feeling- oh. Hah. Right. Your brother's jizz is the creamy filling in a Strider sandwich. Nasty. 

Oh god, not only is Dirk a twink, but you filled him like a twinkie. FUCK. 

"Pretty good for your first try." 

You huff out a laugh, letting his leg go so you can support yourself instead of dropping all your weight on him. You're both gods, sure, but you're still thicker built than him and likely weigh a sizable amount more. 

TT: he had you moaning like that and it was 'pretty good'? 

TT: the fuck dirk 

TT: you did so good 

You just laugh awkwardly, because you have no idea how to handle sincere praise but you _like_ the praise. You want more of it, even if it feels unsettling at first. 

"Thanks Hal. You too. Thanks for the directions." 

Dirk kisses your cheek, then your jawline, and that helps you relax a little. A lot, really. His fingers are combing the short hair at the back of your neck that he's been grabbing so tight only a minute ago, and now everything doesn't feel like so much. 

Just nice. Warm, but uh, kinda sticky. Ew. 

You pull his arms back over your head, sitting up so that you can undo the cuffs around his wrists, rubbing at his soft skin there for a moment before letting him stretch on his own. Dirk mostly looks smug again. Too smug for a guy who still has your dick in his ass. Ugh, the damp spot on your middle feels cold yet somehow he seems unphased. 

You left your tshirt near by, thank fuck. A worth sacrifice to the sex gods- wait, is that you, currently? Maybe. Technically you're probably the most recent gods who've fucked, so maybe. Give it another few minutes and someone else from the crew will probably get laid and unknowingly snatch that title from your filthy hands, though. 

When you do pull out of him, that same shirt gets to do the wiping of your brother's ass too. Dirk eventually swats you away, insisting he can take care of it himself. He barely does anything more before settling in with you under your covers. 

It's kind of this nice, comfortable silence at first- not even Hal is talking. Just watching, you guess. May it's be awkward if you weren't so tired, but you don't think so. 

You had a good time. Both of you did. So far the angry, self-loathing voice that likes to remind you what anyone else would say if they knew, hasn't popped up. You'll have to rationalize this shit to yourself later, surely (you didn't grow up siblings, you're not the family you did know, you're consenting adults... you've even talked to Dirk and Hal about it and they agreed), but not now. 

Now you get to lay in bed, just next to each other, soaking up what you guess Karkat's books and movies call 'afterglow'. It's lazy, and illegal amounts of comfy. 

"Hal, please explain the keysmashes," Dirk finally says, and you snort. Yeah you're still wondering that. How _does_ he manage it while also not having actual keys to slam hands on excitedly? 

TT: I'm gay? Well, ok, pan is a better label if we're getting technical about it. if I were to slap one of those words on myself. 

TT: should probably go with Bi, since you know, i'm artificial intelligence mostly, and shouldn't be confused with cookware. I'm one step away from a George Forman grill already. 

TT: mostly I just don't give a shit 

"Relateable, honestly." You comb your fingers through Dirk's hair and he wiggles closer, right up against you in the wad of covers. 

"So it's just, excited overload, right?" He asks- the fucker is probably trying to work out the mechanics of it. It's Dirk, of course he wants to know how something he initially designed is working independently. 

TT: well all i've got is text to show outwardly I guess, and it does use the generated energy that happens when I like something a lot 

TT: I don't have a contained or limited amount of circuitry when I exist through multiple devices at the same time though, so the energy overload gets spread out and I guess it 'feels good'- it's really weird even considering that by the way. that I do feel something. 

TT: but I could likely short myself if I was confined to just a small electronic. Bake a couple circuits (unfortunately not the Serkets) 

TT: like I could probably fry a roomba 

Dirk grins against the skin of your shoulder and Hal seems to realize the mistake in mentioning a possible viable body. If you could call it that. 

TT: DO NOT! I REFUSE! DO NOT PUT ME IN A ROOMBA 

You convince Dirk _not_ to put Hal in a roomba body, on the grounds of 'roombas aren't sexy enough'. TVs get ruled out because its 'too easy to recreate old horror movies'. Samsung SmartFridges aren't mobile enough, and likely a bitch and a half to alchemize... but it seems like a small video drone might be feesable for Dirk to make and alter. 

Movement, audio, video, and he can fly himself back to a charger when he needs to. Best part? He can still be connected to the WiFi if he needs to, and will be able to move freely between, or turn off the signal if he wants to only be in the bot. 

It's just the trolls you worry about snatching him out of the air like cats hunting fucking skydancers or those tiny RC helicopters that were all the rage when you were a kid. 

At least the drone will be temporary. It'd only be until Dirk can assemble what he's been calling 'Brobot 2.0, once more with feeling' as a more finalized chasm for Hal. Then the three of you are probably going to get into _so much trouble_ together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- - -  turingTested began pestering <carcinoGeneticist \- - -
> 
> TT: so it has come to my attention that you have done a lot to make Dave comfortable talking about sexuality and intimacy in relationships, even in nonsexual ways. 
> 
> TT: and I want to thank you because in turn he is teaching Dirk and I an awful lot that we are perhaps a little slow at picking up on by ourselves. 
> 
> TT: so thank you. 
> 
> CG: YOU'RE FUCKING WELCOME. 
> 
> CG: IN RETURN, TO PROPERLY SHOW YOUR GRATITUDE FOR MY INFLUENCES, YOU CAN TELL ME EVERY FILTHY DETAIL ABOUT SOLLUX CAPTORS SEXUAL DEVIANCE SO I CAN DRAG HIM MERCILESSLY IN GROUP CHAT 
> 
> TT: holy fuck 


End file.
